Why I Ride (and other things)

Gosh darn daylight savings (or non-daylight savings), it really throws me for a loop. Here it is, 5:30, it's already dark, I want to drink wine and eat, but wait, it's only 5:30. This is the time of year where I start getting antsy to make the most of life, or apathetic and am content to watch tv at 6 pm. A few weeks ago I went to one of those climbing films, the kind where you think the film is going to be two hours of watching people climb hard but beautiful routes (I like to call it climbing porn- there are a lot of types of porn- biking porn, horse porn and then good 'ole gross guy porn). These films were different. Sure, they were about people climbing cool routes but it seemed that the underlying message in the films was about the gratification one gets from pushing the limits- their own limits. The climbers of course, really pushed the limits, hence the bad-ass films. While I'm not going to run off to California or one of the Stan countries that hosts some of the worlds tallest peaks, I did feel the push and the nagging question as to whether I was doing all I could to get the most out of life and was I doing the best I could to be the best I could at what I wanted to do?
I've come to the conclusion that I'm not doing a bad job- I'd probably do a better job if I was dying of cancer and life seemed shorter, but I really feel like I'm doing what I want...to an extent.
Work does get in the way, this is a conundrum because I feel that I want to be good at my job but being good at something takes time and my job is never ending and often times I'm not sure if all of the mess I'm asked to do actually allows me to be better. OR in reality, if I didn't try to do so much in life, maybe I could be one of those teachers who wins a glass apple. But then I stop to think, I don't want to be the teacher who wins a glass apple because there is so much more to my own life. Sure, some are designed to win the glass apple, but they've chosen to dedicate their lives to teaching, which is great, but it's not me because if I won that glass apple I would have given up the rest of who I am.
Which leads to riding. I don't know what I love more, riding my bike or horses. I think I go back and forth, depending on the time of year. Jarred loves to ask me what if questions and one of the reoccurring ones is, "If you had to give up riding horses or bikes, which would you give up?" I tend to say bikes because I've ridden horses longer and I've sacrificed so much more for my horses but riding my bike on the short ride I did after school today put a smile on my face- there's nothing like huffing and puffing up a hill but even better is the thrill of riding downhill. So biking comes in at a close second.
But there's nothing like a soft horse nose, or Sophie, whose whole body is soft and who rides like a finely tuned Caddy. I know everyone has a bucket list and competing (and being able to win) at one of the major shows, is on mine. I've got a lot to learn still, but it would also be nice to win a ton of money but actually being able to be competitive at those shows will be good enough. Again, the quandary of whether I'm doing all I can to be good comes up and I think...if only I didn't have to work!
I often think that I put too much on my plate, each weekend is full, each afternoon I'm trying to beat the dark, but then again, will I remember those fun rides or sitting on the couch watching a movie?